I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
