I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
