Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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