Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
