im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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