I'm lost and stupid without you.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
