So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Floor bacon is actually really good
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My feet surprised me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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