laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
