Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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