You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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