ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
