Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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