what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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