I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
