So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Small penises have feelings too.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
