...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
