i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize