Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
