I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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