I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
