Buhtt sex?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
