Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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