The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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