I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
