I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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