Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
