I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
