Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
