yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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