Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
