he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
