I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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