I look better un-naked...
My cat gives me a boner
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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