After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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