whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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