im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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