Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
