going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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