I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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