Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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