How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize