everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize