I wannas sexs uuuuu
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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