Your face is a jimmy john
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
