we have pet lesbian snakes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
