I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
