my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize