ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
