i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm passing your future prison.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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