I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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