so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
