I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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