I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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