The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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