The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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