Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize