Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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