You smell like a Billy Joel song
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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