I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
