Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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