Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize