were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
