But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
