Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize