If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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