I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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