My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
