Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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