HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
