I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If I die, sorry about rent.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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