Whod you bang
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
